anyways, back to what I'm thinkin' and how it relates
So, when I got on the scale for the nurse to weigh me, she said..."oh, you must weigh more than I thought" and then moved the thingy to 150. Surprisingly this didn't hurt my feelings, but what it did do was make me wonder something. Is my view of my body still distorted? Do I still see myself as overweight? I think the answer to that is "yes". Because I still think people see me as a fat person when they look at me...so to hear the nurse say she thought I was lighter than what came up on the scale was kind of a compliment.
It's been a little over three years since I had weight loss surgery. And since I look at myself everyday, I think that impacts how I see myself. Add to that a distorted self image to begin with and you've got a combination that is not quiet accurate. Because of this, I decided to go back through some old pictures and see it for myself....it's time to put some current picture beside the beginning picture.
This doesn't necessarily fix my screwed up brain, but man, I forgot where I was and now I can see where I am now. I wish there was some magic switch that would help me reprogram my brain...not only to see myself through the eyes of truth, but even to help me with my addiction to food. Because my addiction is far from being over. This is a daily journey that I will forever be on.
But let me tell you...I plan to do this post again in another three years! Because I'm never going back!